Man, I Didn’t See That Coming

One day it just happened. I was looking for a cigarette, and instead of finding that I found a zip-lock bag full of notes and letters. I could feel my stomach drop and my mind start to race. I stood there frozen in time. As I started to read these accounts of romantic flings and secret meetings it had all come together at once. My spouse was cheating but why ? and with who? a flood of emotion had over come me I felt lost, like I was the only one in the world that this had happened to.

But to my surprise, I was not alone. I found out that this happens everyday and people just like me were experiencing the same kind of slap in the face, What do I do, who can I trust? Being a man in this situation was bad enough but to seek out answers I found it would be almost near impossible.

I kept all of the letters and notes and replaced them with a note of my own. It simply stated “Hey Babe, (because most of these things were addressed to Babe) ‘See you in Court” love me. (not) I replaced the bag back and kept my little secret to myself knowing how hard it would be not to say anything to her at all about what I had found. I had to, I was not sure how to confront her or what I might do or say. I did this for all of three weeks. Then It happened she had called me on the phone to give me a lot of nonsense because she thrived in that , I guess wanting to keep me under her thumb and stay in control. But this time was different I snapped. I said to her we need to talk. Talk she replied, about what. I said a divorce. Stunned she paused for a second, I continued on and called her babe. She stopped and I assume that she was frozen in time with the emotions I had felt , she hung up the phone.

Sixty seconds later I get a frantic phone call from this woman who I thought loved me crying and hysterical, telling me she wanted the letters back and that I need to give them to her. I calmly replied sure! As soon as my lawyer is finished with them. Needless to say I felt that I had taken the first step to get my life back.

Basically I want I want to tell you if you are in this situation, is not to act out on emotion. It gets you no where. You need to regain your composure as hard as it might be. And think things out with reason. This way you don’t do things that you might regret later down the line. There is a lot more of this story, How I found out who it was , where they lived, phone numbers, his wife name and so and so on.

So keep posted you just might like what I have to tell you. Most of all Keep your head up.

I Didn’t See That Coming!

I didn’t see that coming” is a common phrase said by someone who has been completely blind-sided by the unexpected. In this case, the unanticipated loss of something cherished. It is the mental, psychological and emotional energy created from this loss that forcefully thrusts us into a tailspin of thoughts and emotions we would rather not think and feel!

As humans, we operate as though life is predicable, never thinking that at any moment there could be a huge interruption in it that informs us otherwise. But, what’s really so is this; life is made up of a series of many random events that we have very little conscious control over. Sometimes we go for long periods of time without one unpleasant experience, then… something happens… and maybe we experience a long string of them.

I remember, as a 26 year-old, being hit with the shocking news that I had a brain tumor! “How could that be?” I thought. After a painstaking surgery and tedious recovery, I remember myself proudly saying to someone, “Well, that was a huge thing for someone so young to go through. The odds of something that bad happening again in my life are now quite remote!”… as if life actually cared enough to keep track of the odds!
Of course, despite my confident declaration, I still continued to experience the occasional unexpected “bad” happenings in life, just the same.

But regardless of the odds or degree of “bad” experienced, all loss, however slight or traumatic, is followed by grief to some degree or another. There are many ideas in the world about the grief process; some say there are five stages, others say there are seven stages, and I even found another who said there were eleven stages of the grief process.  But, no matter how many actually stages can be distinguished and identified, I have found that, no matter how you slice it, there are really only two true phases when it comes to loss… resistance and acceptance.